The art of annoying your teenager comes to you from years of living with the human that calls you “Mum” amongst other names.  People of younger heathens have been known to ask “How do you do it?”  Well, it sneaks up on you.  One day you are the parent of a really cool 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 year old, and then one day their back talking, sassy, snot faced, condescending tone appears and Taaaa DaaaaaaH congratulations you have a TEENAGER!  *Note the sarcasm* this is your first DEFENSE in “How to Annoy Your Teenager.”

Humor is your second defense in How to Annoy a Teenager, without humor or a glass bottle of wine you will be defenseless…  So for the love of all that is HOLY DEFEND yourself against these heathens,  remember sarcasm, humor and join a monthly weekly wine club, preferably one that delivers to your front door.

So without further ado How to Annoy Your Teenager …

  • Ask them to get up before 10 am on a non-school/work day.
    • Yep, that’s all you have to do.  Enter the Temple of Doom (their bedroom) and request that the smell (their body) exit the bed and remove itself from the room so that you may make it habitable to resume living in it. *Note that I said that I would clean it, I just want them to GET OUT OF IT! Congrats, you have now pissed them off.
  • Ask them to put their clothes away, the ones that you have washed and folded and put in their room.
    • This will have them huffing and puffing all the way upstairs, declaring that it is their bedroom and that they will put said clothes away when they feel like it…  Yeah right, get your a$$ up there now and just do it.  You don’t hear me yelling I will do the laundry when I feel like it.  *Note not all the time.  Congrats, you have now pissed them off.
  • Ask them to walk the 10 feet to the laundry closet and put said dirty clothes in the hamper.
    • You walk into their bathroom to discover their clothes from the day before slung all over the floor.  When asked to come BACK upstairs (because they not only exited the bathroom,stepping over said clothes, but also went downstairs) you get the huffing and puffing along with some Hysterical Crazy suggestion that maybe while you are still up there that YOU could pick up the offending articles and put them where they are supposed to be.  I have on occasion been known at this suggestion to burst into hysterical laughing, while exiting the bathroom.  Congrats you have now pissed them off.

How To Annoy A Teenager

Original Laundry Image from: www.threelittlemonkeysstudio.com

  • Ask them to put something of theirs or NOT theirs into the dishwasher.
    • I get up before anyone else and empty said dishwasher, it is there for ALL to use. Just rinse, open, place and close, it is an amazing invention. Yet time and time again objects that should be snug and ready for a lovely bath are sitting despondent and rejected in the kitchen sink. I have even given an amazing demonstration of how to turn on the water (you don’t have to take a bucket down to the stream and get the water) rinse the object, and place said object in the dishwasher. I have explained that the dishwasher is their FRIEND, it won’t hurt them and it won’t eat them alive. I told the teen the other day that they would miss the dishwasher when they went to college! Congrats you have now pissed them off.
  • Ask them to clean up after dinner.
    • This can cause facial tics, huffing and puffing, followed by “Well what is so and so doing, if I have to do this?” It amazes me that I joyfully make a dinner, they joyfully eat said dinners (most, once in a while I get the “OH, you MADE THAT!”) yet when it comes to cleaning up, and I do clean as I cook this can cause disgruntled grumbling, slam banging in kitchen by the sink, and total chaos in the dishwasher *Note see above. Congrats you have now pissed them off.
  • Ask them to do anything that does not directly affect them in any way, shape or form.
    • This will cause back talk, negotiations, condescending tones, contorted faces, need to go to the bathroom for extended periods of time, memory failure, deafness, inability to control arms and or legs, total failure to remember how to do the simplest of tasks. Congrats you have now pissed them off.

Do you see the pattern here?

  • Ignore them when they request you, need something, need money, need toilet paper.  
    • I have to address the last one first, I have been known to hear said request yelled from the bathroom, to then turn on the vacuum and promptly forget about getting toilet paper 🙂  I have gone deaf on occasion when they repeat my name for the 100th time in a span of 5 seconds.  Money!!!  Now that they have a job, we ask that they use that monies first, and if it is a life or death situation we will start negotiations. 🙂  Congrats you have now pissed them off.
  • Repeat to them what you want them to do.
    • Ohhhhh, this one is a favorite of mine.  When they have failed to do something after extensive demonstrations, or I check and the work is not correct I will repeat.  I have stated that if the job at hand is done correctly to begin with then there is no need for “REPEATING”  this does not seem to compute.  Hence much repeating does take place, much to the dismay of the teens.  Congrats you have now pissed them off.
  • Show them how you want it done.
    • This is the fast track to pissing a teen off.  They take this as a direct insult, thinking that you think they don’t know how to do the task at hand.  Re-read the above, and you get the picture!!!  Congrats you have now pissed them off.
  • Show them how they did it wrong.
    • So you discover that what you have asked to be done, is completed incorrectly.  As a parent you feel the need to address this situation, it is our job to make sure that they know how to do a job correctly.  Yep, you guessed it…  This is a sure way to piss off a teenager, because they know EVERYTHING!  Congrats you have now pissed them off.
  • Breathe and exist within their presence.
    • You can be in a room first, you could have been there for several hours BY. Yourself.  They walk in with a smile on their face, see you and Yep you guessed it…  Congrats you have now pissed them off.

This is by no means a challenging feat, as you can tell by the last entry just existing can do the trick 🙂 Mission accomplished, looking at them “The. Wrong. Way” can seal the deal too.  They are a species unto themselves.

We are at the end of having one teenager in our house and at the beginning of having another one in our house.  We have learnt much from the first and hope to avoid most pissing off with the second.  See here how we have figured out how to get important information out of a teenager.  All else fails, much humor, boat loads of sarcasm and a monthly weekly subscription to our local Winery will help a lot!!!

O.k. don’t just leave a comment, let me know how you can annoy a teenager.  What mundane thing sets off a teenager that you may know 🙂  Ssshhhhh all confessions will be kept under lock and key.

Thanks for popping over and staying a while.

BritishMumUSA