Dear Mom of the Two Week Old,

What did you do?  Good grief, you opened up a can of worms and just walked right on in didn’t you…  You walked into a brand new job and within two weeks, you had fellow co-workers thinking you were a JOKE!!!
Lets break this down and see where you went wrong in trying to justify your actions, and hold yourself up to all the mothers that have gone before you.  Face it, that is exactly what you tried to do….  You said “Hey I have done this for exactly two weeks, and I am way more successful at this than most of you out there.”  Not exactly the way to win over any friends here, and trust me Mom of the Two week Old, down the road you are going to need all the friends/moms that you can get.  That saying “It takes a village” …  Girl it takes a damn CITY to raise a child these days, and you just pissed off a whole community!!!

Your first line: “I’m going to rant for a minute – “ 

Oh go for it, we all need this from time to time….  You know when your husband calls you to say he has got this nap thing down to a science, because the two year old has napped for three hours!!!!  Holy crap go check on that child, she is up to NO GOOD…  Yep, just as I suspected, she has redecorated her entire bedroom up to 2.5 feet high in vaseline!!!!  We had just redecorated it from the nursery!!!

Your second line: “It bothers me how much being a parent has turned in to a martyr profession.”

Mmmmm, definition of “Martyr”:

a person who is put to death or endures great suffering on behalf of any belief, principle, or cause:

Yep, that is EVERY PARENT that has survived the Teenage/Meanager years!!!!!  Thank goodness for OTHER parents out there that have been through it, or are in the latter stages of it and reach out to the parents that are on the front lines or are in the thick of it….  Without those more mature parents, I have no clue as to where I or my teenagers would be right now.  You see Dear Mom of the Two Week old, you really do need those girlfriends at 7:00 pm on a Friday night with a bottle of wine!!!!  It is the ONLY way you are going to survive those years!!!!  So again, don’t get on your high horse, we are all just surviving this thing called parenting!!!

Your third and fourth line: “Our children are not an excuse to be dirty, or lazy, and are not a parents scapegoat for whatever.  Being a parent doesn’t mean leaving food under the couch, and never showering.”

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……  OK, taking a DEEP breath here…… OOoooooooooo……!!!!  You are correct, and you are not correct.  They are not our excuse for this, they are the FLIPPING REASON SWEET HEART!!!!!!  I am a NEAT FREAK, ask my husband….  actually I will have him respond to this in the comments when I post it so that you know how much of a NEAT FREAK I am 🙂  That said, there are times when….  Such as they start to roll, crawl, shuffle, scooch, walk/RUN and you are dusting, mopping, vacuuming, straightening your hair, letting the dog out, cooking dinner, answering a conference call from the CEO of the company that you work for, texting your husband to bring home more diapers, yelling at the UPS man, changing the laundry over, rescuing the hamster from the dog you are letting out, and OH 10 other things and said child who is now ON THE MOVE stuffs something somewhere and you do not witness it.  You then find it 4 weeks late when it starts to omit an ODOR!!!!!  OK!!!!

On that note, here is the GODS honest truth.  ALL of my friends know how much of a neat freak I am.  Three weeks ago I noticed that the bright green low bowl to my fiestaware was missing.  I asked the husband, the 18 y/o and the 13 y/o if they knew where it was….  No one, and I mean NO ONE would own up to it.  I DO NOT CLEAN OUT closets, but I did the day before yesterday do a nice thing and hang up some of my 13 y/o’s clothes.  Low and BEHOLD, what do I see on the bottom of her closet floor among the clothes that she WAS SUPPOSED to hang up but my BOWL!!!!!!  Sometimes Dear Mom of the Two Week Old you do not have control of where things go, and you DO NOT SEE where they go!!!!  I am not and neither are most parents (DIRTY), we just don’t have eyes in the back of our heads, shocking I know!!!!  PROOF

Dear Mom of the Two Week Old


Your fifth line: “I’m only two weeks in but so far I’ve managed to get enough sleep, cook decent meals for my family, keep my apartment clean, spend some time with Jaime, and my newborn is happy, well fed, well loved, bathed and in clean clothes and clean diapers.”

Well Holy Mother of All that is WONDERFUL, give yourself a pat on the back girlfriend, we should ALL aspire to be like you!!!!!  Oh wait a minute, I think we are all like you we just don’t shout it from the roof tops.  Some of us are blessed to have the most amazing child at two weeks, I know with my first I was like WOW this parenting thing is easy!!!!  Then # 2 child came along… straight from SATAN, and kicked mine and the hubbies ass!!!!  Oh did I mention that she was born early, and had an issue with acid reflux and SCREAMED 23 hours out of a 24 hour period for the first 6 weeks of her life?  Mmmmmm, but hey we still managed to feed her, her sister, ourselves, clean the house and get to work and school on time 🙂  Without condemning any other parent who may or may not have done the same thing 🙂

This is where you and I (and most parents) differ, I recognize that I live in a glass house. I am mature enough to know this and that one day I will need the help from another mother at 1 am in the morning….  That, that mother may be the mother who didn’t clean her house that day, and make the bed, do the laundry, spend quality time with her husband (sex), shower, cook a dinner (order out), but you know what…..  She does LOVE her child and she did have enough time to come over and rescue me!!!

Your sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth line: “I see these “cute” little parenting blurbs all the time but I disagree with them on every level.  No, I don’t accept that with the birth of my child came acceptance of a dirty house.  If my child managed to smear peanut butter all over my curtains that tells me that I’m not watching them close enough.  Food is eaten at the table, not while running through the house.”

Hahahahahahahahah!!!!!  Oh wait….. Hahahahahahahaha……  So you will NEVER let your child eat a hot dog or other bar-b-que food item in the backyard, and you will never have your eyes off of them, and they will never make it into the house and smear said sauce or mustard everywhere…  Your child will never get down from the table without you seeing them and make their way to the bathroom to wash their hands and trail their little hands all over your white walls as they go do what you have asked them to do…  Your teenagers will never stay up past your bedtime and take HALF the pantry to the basement with their fiends friends and LEAVE all of it for you to discover in the morning.  Your teenager will never have half of the track team over to your house while you are at work, and cook for them and leave it for you when you come home!!!  I am so happy for you!!!  OH and by the way, I am OK with all of what I have said, as my house was full of MY KIDS friends and I knew where they were and what they were up to…  Might not have known exactly as I may have been sleeping at 2 am, but they were in my home and they were safe!!!  I may also have needed the company of other mothers to RANT about the MESS they had left behind, and yes I had other mothers to rant with as I had not JUDGED them and pissed them OFF!!!!!

Your last two lines of: “I wish this attitude towards parenting would go away, and quickly.  I think too many people are mistaking laziness for normal parenthood ordeals.  It needs to stop.”

Not quiet sure what you are going on about here Dear Mom of the Two Week Old…  It is not an attitude, but parenting.  We ALL do it differently, we all pitch in when needed.  You will see as your cute little two week old bundle of joy develops into the crawler, and then toddler who RUNS, and the five year old with their own attitude and independent thinking, and the emotional pre-tween wreck ,and then the teen wreck, that instead of tearing other parents apart for what they may or may not be doing….  You should support and uplift all parents because at the end of the day, you have NO IDEA what their day has been like, and they have no idea what your day has been like…

Remember Dear Mom of the Two Week Old, we ALL live in glass houses, but we are ALL there for each other 🙂

To ALL the mums, moms, mothers, dads, fathers out there that have been a support to myself and #1 Traveling Companion in the journey of parenting I want to say a BIG THANK YOU 🙂  You guys ROCK, and as we get another year closer to our second one taking flight from our home, I hear you and I am here for you xoxoxo…

BritishMumUSA Signatures