Its that time of year again!!!! The dreaded DROP OFF / PICK UP line… After surviving this line with two kids (beginning in 2002), I am documenting what most of us mum’s are saying about THOSE mums!!!! You know who I speak of:
- The rules don’t apply to me mum
- I’ll just be a minute mum
- You don’t mind do you mum
- Chatty Kathy mum
- I’m in a hurry mum
- I didn’t read the notice mum
So on and so on….
So what are the unwritten rules of the “Drop Zone” the “End Zone” the “Get the heck out of the car Zone“!!!!!!
Rule # 1
Do Not Park Your Car in the LINE!!!!! Seriously, read that again, and again… This is the most sacred of sacred rules and should NEVER be broken… There is no circumstance in all the years that I have been in line that has arisen that you should put your car in PARK!!!! There is a parking lot for that!!! We will get to that in a moment, the Drop off / Pick up line is exactly that, it is a “Keep it moving forward” line that never quiet comes to a stop…. Your precious sweet pea has time from when you enter the line to that point where they can evacuate the car to get their SH*T together and get the HECK out of the car!!!! If for some reason you don’t think this is possible… Park it, in the PARKING LOT!!!!! Not in LINE!!!!
Ok, I’m good.. I’m breathing… I had a flash back moment there to being in line and the line STOPPED!!!!! Ugh!
Rule # 2
Park it!!! That’s right, every school I have EVER had the pleasure of being in has a parking lot. You know the asphalt with yellow or white stripes all laid out for us to squeeze our over sized transportation machines into…. Use that LOT! If your child cannot unbuckle themselves, open the car door and evacuate the car by themselves… DO Not park it in line and get out and help your sweet pea… Park your car in the LOT!!! ( Or buy a mini van) Yes be that mum, it will save you in the end! Park it if your child is heading to school and looks like they are moving in with ALL of their assignments!!!! Just PARK it and walk them and all their STUFF in!!!! You have to chat with someone for just a second…. Yeah YOU!!!! Park IT!!!!! Your hazard lights on are not a permission slip to park in the LINE!!! Go to the lot, with your head hung in shame!!!!
Rule # 3
Ok Speed Demon… This is not formula one racing, and you are not Mario Andretti… And you are not driving a Lotus of a Maserati… Its a Ford, Chrysler, Dodge or whatever! Slow the HECK down! There are speed signs posted, you being late ~ in a rush ~ or just not paying attention is not an acceptable excuse. Listen, kids don’t LOOK!!! They will step out in front of you, and you need to be able to stop on a dime…. So either get in line and chill, or you guessed it… PARK IT!!!
Rule # 4
We get in line way before the kids come out, but this is not the time to park it and get out to chit chat… Resist the urge ladies!!! Just say no! This is not Social Line ~ Gossip Line ~ Chatty Kathy Line… This is Stay in your vehicle and move forward, and pick up your little sweet pea line. I know, I know, you see the teacher that you have been meaning to talk to about whatever, directing traffic… Listen to me, SHE/He ~ IS ~ DIRECTING ~ TRAFFIC ~!!! She/he is the Line Director, do not distract the Line Director! Do not, stop when you get to her/him and put it in park thinking it will take two seconds. Nothing in life takes two seconds…. Well maybe your quicky that morning did! But nothing else takes two seconds. Write her/him an email, or better yet park it and see her/him when she/he can chat too. That is NOT now. Keep moving forward!
Rule # 5
Ok we all have those days, I by no means am one to judge…. Hey you didn’t shower, no worries… You didn’t dress, no worries… Just stay in the car, do not call over Chatty Kathy, and do not engage with that teacher you need to talk to…. Just join the line, move it, drop them and go – go – go!!! You got this…. Oh while we are at it, this is not the time to get out and reorganize your trunk, find whatever died in the back seat, or see if there is enough change for a Starbucks! Stay in the vehicle and keep moving forward!!!
Rule # 6
If you are on a winding road up a mountain and are going slow, engage the Hazard Lights… Putting them on, and putting your vehicle in park in the Drop Off / Pick Up Line is a NO ~ NO ~ NO ! Hazard lights are not the Golden Ticket, they are not the permission slip to do any of the above. They are annoying at best, and will create a need for other mums to lay on their horn to inform you that that is a BIG HECK NO!!!!
Rule # 7
I know as you sit in the line, you see that space ahead open up, I feel the cogs in your brain turning… You are willing everyone to move up and “Close the Gap”… I feel you, when that gap, that amazing space sits there OPEN! Do not, I repeat Do Not give in to the urge to Line Jump! There is no line jumping in the Drop Off / Pick Up line. Remember that teacher who is directing traffic, keeping that line moving… Yep, she will make eye contact with THAT MUM and she will “Close the Gap”. You do not need to “Fill the Gap” The parade of horns will sound if you try in any way, shape or form to move your vehicle into it… Just stay put, and keep moving forward. Yes I know the teacher is now jumping up and down and flapping her arms, that is not for you. She is getting that “Oh, I need to pay attention mum” to MOVE IT!!!! 🙂
Rule # 8
If by any chance you think that your child prior to the start of school year cannot get out of the vehicle by themselves, for the love of all that is HOLY; practice during summer. You have eleven weeks to make this work, practice, practice, practice… If it doesn’t work… You guessed it…. PARK IT!!!! Oh and while we are at it, if your little sweet pea is still trying to get out or in after I have unloaded mine, the neighbors and the kid that was running to school…. Yep you guessed it…. PARK IT!!! They have to much STUFF…. Yep you guessed right again, please PARK IT!!! Do not stop in line, get out and help them… Park it, and help them 🙂
Rule # 9
When you have safely gotten to the Drop off / Pick up Zone LET Them OUT!!! You do not have to drive them all the way to the front doors. Guess what, they have legs and they can use them.. Let them FREE!!!! And for that matter of fact, tell them if they see you in the ZONE, hustle and get the heck over to the vehicle and lets do this… GET IN!!!! While we are at this point lets also make it clear that once that little pumpkin have exited the vehicle ~ LEAVE !!! Yep that is right, they got this… They know where to go, and they are in safe hands, they will make it the fifty feet to the door and get in. Just leave…..
Rule # 10
If for any reason you feel the need to put it in park while in the line, you consider doing this while driving to school, while you are in line…. then just do us all a favor remember the above NINE rules and then just go and PARK IT!!!!
So in closing we have all been there, none of us are any more special than you and your adorable little pumpkin; so just follow the rules and keep the line moving and resist all urges to stop for any reason….
Brought to you by the mum that plotted your demise when you parked in the Drop Off / Pick Up Line 🙂 xoxoxo Love all you mums!!!
Tell me about your Drop Off / Pick Up Line experience…. I so want to know 🙂