I recently read a post from a Mommy Blogger of a three to four year old daughter, that had taken offense to the comments generated on a Viral Video. The video was of the Mother who has six sons and cut into a cake, to discover the gender of her unborn child. The cake represented the birth of her first daughter. Under the video were comments from other mothers stating “Good luck”…. and other such humorous, or sarcastic notes. The Mommy Blogger, who will remain nameless here; took great offense to the comments and wrote a post about how mothers should not insult their daughters. I feel the need to let her know that We Are Not Bad Mothers.
When I became a mother I received a slew of advice, good, bad and ugly. I smiled, nodded and tucked this wealth of knowledge away and both my husband and I raised our girls as we saw fit. That is not to say that I didn’t use or ask for advice on occasion, I just didn’t go out and buy everything everyone said we needed to have, and I didn’t start growing our own food 🙂
We enjoyed the baby years, laughed through the toddler years, hung out in the little girl years, enjoyed the 5 to 12 y/o years…. We then experienced the teenage years!!! Yep I said experienced, you could say SURVIVED, as I and the teen are still alive!!!
Throughout all of these years I have done one thing:
I have NEVER given unasked for advice, and I have NEVER given (asked for) advice if I have NOT first hand experienced it!!! It’s just not who I am, or want to be. How can I as a mother of a 17 year old tell a mother what to do with her 21 year old!!! I can listen, and I can sympathize, but I can’t give advice… I haven’t lived it.
So here is where I have to stand up and defend all of those mothers who wrote on that Viral Video comment board, to the mother who only has a three or four year old daughter as of now.
Those mothers probably have either raised or are raising a teenage daughter. While we love, and cherish our daughters and would do anything for them. The reality of it is, being the parents of most teenage daughters SUCKS!!! They can be, rude, obnoxious, annoying, mean, nasty and a whole slew of other things. They can also be kind, caring, loving and really amazing… They can also push every stinking button you have, and they are geniuses when it comes to ripping out your heart and driving it over multiply times with a DUMP TRUCK!!!
I know this as I have lived this, and I have MANY girlfriends who have both teenage daughters and sons and are or have lived this.
You can’t ask us mothers who are in the trenches to come on over to the warm and fuzzy side when we are in the thick of it.
When we make comments with regards to raising daughters or having a daughter such as “Good Luck!!!” or “Buy shares in Napa Valley”. It is said with a sense of humor, and love. It is said to stop us from going insane and or becoming raging alcoholics!!!
When we get together and discuss the actions of our teenage daughter or son, as sons can suck too; it is a survival technique for us. We get together with our girlfriends and talk an issue to DEATH. Why you may ask us, it is to SAVE the life of that teen who was yet again been sassy to us!!!!
I actually asked my 17 y/o about this, and she agreed…. and I quote “Mum, teenage girls suck and I give you and all of your friends props for doing such a good job!” Why thank you honey…. she said something along those lines 😉
So to the mother of the 3-4 y/o who she loves and could not imagine doing anything wrong. I hear you and I agree, she is adorable and sweet and she will be until about 12 or 13 years of age. Then she will fight you tooth and nail for her independence, while still needing strong boundaries. These years suck, and you need a village to help you and your teenager survive them.
Yes there is the odd one out who will be an amazing teenager and NEVER give their parents an issue… I am not talking about that teenager, I am talking about all the rest who grow up to be amazing young adults.
Ultimately we all love our children, and the stages that they are in. Yes we sometimes slip being the mothers of teenagers when we see a mother who is about to have a daughter, and we say something with humor or sarcasm. We are living it, Oh and we will be there with a listening ear when YOU are living it 🙂
Thanks for hearing me out on this one.